Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
