i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
