I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
