D3 body, D1 cock
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
There's even glitter on my cock...
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