If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
