he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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