You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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