Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
