So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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