why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
there was a trapeze. enough said
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
