Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Randomize
