so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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