Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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