Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
