Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
