it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
