this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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