After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
