I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
