I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
