very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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