it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
