Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
