You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
