Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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