Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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