I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize