How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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