I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
