I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
