I will die if light touches me.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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