Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
