I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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