I will die if light touches me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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