It's Friday. Sex?
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
