She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
