The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
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