Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
