And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
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