I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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