I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize