I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
