not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
