Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
