mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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