This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
