if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
