so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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