i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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