Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
