idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
