Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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