I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
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There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
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She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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