Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
