Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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