when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
