I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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