Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
