He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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