my phone needs a breathalizer
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He has the fingertips of a God
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