Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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