there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
