we have pet lesbian snakes
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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