They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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