hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
