i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
