God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
