She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
