he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
