Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
