it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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