I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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