So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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