Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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