Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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