dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
